Location
Mount Vernon, WA 98274
Real headlines, unreal twists. News-ish is your satirical dispatch center for stories that sound almost credible—until they don’t. From cosmic cruise ships to relationship tech support, we parody the news you didn’t know needed parodying.
In a delightfully absurd directive, Ridgely Springs has launched a new municipal department requiring citizens to register every quip and giggle in advance. What began as an attempt to streamline local entertainment has spiraled into cosmic unintended consequences, complete with time-looping punchlines and impromptu laughter audits.
In a move that blends red tape with rip-roaring ridicule, the Federal Humor Authority now mandates citizens to secure official laugh permits before indulging in spontaneous giggles. The measure, designed to "ensure equitable giggle distribution," has sparked street protests, midnight comedy workshops and an underground movement dubbed "Free the Chuckle."
In a move dubbed 'tone-policing gone bureaucratic,' Cedarvale's local government now requires citizens to secure permits before indulging in spontaneous laughter. Residents caught giggling without approved documentation face fines, mandatory apology letters, and stints in the new 'Tickle Remediation Center.'
In an unprecedented display of civic oversight, Briarwood Township has mandated that all inhalations be authorized through a tiered permit system. The new regulation has spawned hour-long queues, DIY oxygen workshops in backyard sheds, and a thriving black market for unlicensed air supplies.
In a move hailed as both visionary and deeply exasperating, Meadowbrook's City Council now requires every resident to secure a permit before engaging in any eyebrow raise, smirk, or eye-roll. Citizens must submit detailed sarcasm logs and pay a nonrefundable filing fee-prompting protests, interpretive dance petitions, and an unexpected surge in DIY sarcasm workshops.
In an unprecedented move, the Peachtree Falls Council has classified daydreaming as a controlled substance, demanding residents obtain official permits before indulging in unauthorized mental wanderings. Citizens report lines at the permit office, black-market flashback traders, and surprise "dream audits" popping up around town.
In a move that has citizens both yawning and fuming, the Maplewood City Council has enacted a law requiring residents to secure monthly yawning permits. Officials say the measure protects public safety-while critics accuse them of micromanaging involuntary human biology.
In an unprecedented move blending community engagement with red tape, Stonebridge officials now require residents to apply for spontaneity permits every two weeks before engaging in unplanned activities. Amid outrage and confusion, locals grapple with scheduling impromptu laughter, surprise dance-offs, and last-minute karaoke.
In an ambitious push for civic civility, Verbatim Valley has unveiled a mandatory Conversational Credit system requiring residents to log daily compliments, constructive comments, and agreeable small talk. Those falling short of the new politeness threshold may find themselves on 'Politeness Probation,' where every mumbled complaint could trigger a fine.
In a move blurring the line between bureaucracy and the supernatural, Harrowsville's City Council has passed an ordinance requiring every resident to submit a detailed account of any personal hauntings or spectral encounters. Failure to register a phantom could result in steep fines or compulsory attendance at remedial séances.
